Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
