Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
