I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
