There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
