i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
