Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
