He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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