p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
