There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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