Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
