i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
And then he peed in my hair
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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