I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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