I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize