trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
