I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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