Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
