If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize