Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
