I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
