I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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