My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
