Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
