he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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