She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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