a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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