When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
