apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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