Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
