Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
