Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
