I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
