When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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