Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
