I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
