no you cant smoke seaweed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
