The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
