My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
