Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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