R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
