Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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