Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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