I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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