just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
