Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
