Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
