I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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