she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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