You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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