what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
