Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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