I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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