he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
