I love black thongs
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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