you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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