You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
