you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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