Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
