Do you still have your period?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
