i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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