Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
