I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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