Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
