I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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