There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
