i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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