That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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