Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
