Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
