idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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