i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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