Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
