it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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