I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
