I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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