Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
