Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
