we made out on top of his cat.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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