Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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